Monday, November 8, 2010

Yin Yang

Pondering Yin Yang.
Balance. Flow. Transformation. Revolution. Evolution. Cause and Effect. God. Goddess. Fire. Water. Love. Hate. Joy. Sorrow. High. Low. Sugar. Salt.
The experiences we undergo. If we are to only hate our life is unbalanced. If we only love it is also so. If we wish for only sunshine, we will have drought. If we protect ourselves ceaselessly from pain, we will always be chasing pleasure. 
I often think about balance. My body is misshapen, so balance is something I had to work much harder for. I tried ten times as hard at ballet. Pain. I carry a lot of physical pain. I have become so aware of positive physical pain. The sort after a good work out. Then pleasure. Cotton on skin. Rain on Hair. Waking up with a headache gone. A full belly. An hysterical laughing fit. Bliss.
Balance. Understanding true friendship. The true sense of give and take. Sharing the loads. Feeling secure. Fraternal, Sororal. Honest. Free. Safe. Funny.
The balance of work and play, play at work, and work at play.
This one is tricky. I am getting there, but sheesh, there is so much work to do. I am finding playing with my child easier and easing. Reading with her. Guiding her toward some of my own interests as well as nurturing hers. Science is the newest. Science fiction will come soon, once all the vampire novels are done with!
Life has been more than a little horrific these past years.
Yet I am observing the evolution of my child, the survival of her innate truth, in the face of the loss of a parent. She is so small, so young, and so incredibly resilient and brave. Braver than many grown ups I have met. Braver than most indeed. Wise, understanding, thoughtful. How can someone so little handle so much. Because she is allowed to. I have let her handle it. I have guided her. If more parents could guide their children through their own grief or pain or whatever the world would be a much better place. She and I are yin yang. Me all fire and air, her water and earth. We are so different yet the blending is there. She has softened me, and I give her strength. 

My watery friends.
Grounding me. Pointing me. Laughing at me with so much love! How wonderful to be able to laugh at and with people. How silly we all are. I love that in such a serious way. I love the sisters that I have gathered around me. I love being a grown woman amongst women. A group of goddesses, hidden among mortals. Do you ever see them, have you ever washed your eyes with the tears of a child? They are there. Dotted out in dotty clothes. Completely unaware of their brilliance, yet completely Aware. Shining the essence of truth, with glitter glimmer and braid and all things baked and painted. Sensual, untouchable, totally available. Roaring with pleasure and strength and a band-aid and a fist. Defenders, amenders and mirror holders. Even more I want to dance, flying across the floor, like a lion across the plains. Pain be damned. Beauty is ours!

My fire father.
Whoosh. What a challenge but what an incredible man. A giant, with a giant size heart and the strength of Hercules. I still feel so little near my dad. I am so little. But he lets me be mountain size. In fact he pushes me to be. There has to be a fairy tale in that. Thumbelina? He, like I, wont let his child be scared. Stop crying because there is nothing to cry about child! Look, you have muscles, and a heart and a brain in your head. Use them. With these tools you are invincible. Be honorable, but never let anyone push you round. Bullies be damned. You are not small. Your are the lioness. The power comes from within not without.

'I like grapes'. Stephen.

'Me too'. Tani.

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